Healing Waters

I recently took a much needed vacation. I went on my first cruise. This was my first vacation in a long time that didn't involve being with family.  I was however with my Cullen's Corner Family (Cullen, Paulette, Dee, Nikki and Lamont).
I really needed this trip because I felt like I was headed for a nervous breakdown.  Everything was falling down around my head and I couldn't make it stop.  I almost couldn't go on the cruise at the last minute because of a financial crisis that popped up out of nowhere.  My Corner Family calmed my nerves and said "We got you.  Nothing is going to stop you from going on this cruise".   So I stepped out on faith and went anyway.
While on the cruise I saw such beauty in the color of the the ocean.  I had never seen anything that blue and clear in my life.  It was further confirmation to me that there is a God and he created that shade of blue.  I knew that I wanted and needed to experience ocean with all of my senses.
I went to the beach in the Caymans and saw the blue of the ocean up close and it was even more beautiful than I thought it was. I got in the water and let it surround me and wash over me. It felt like a new baptism because all my stress, anxiety, fears and insecurities were drowned in the ocean. The sound of waves spoke to me and said that I would never be the same because my new beginning had arrived. I even tasted the salt on my skin which made me realize that what I was experiencing in that moment was real and not a figment of my imagination.

I laid on my back and just floated. I immersed myself in the sights, sounds, taste and feel of the ocean and knew I had been healed on an emotional and spiritual level. The old me drowned in the ocean that day and the new me was resurrected in her place.
I am eternally thankful for this experience because without it I would have never gotten the breakthrough, healing, revelations and clarity that I desperately needed.  It was an experience that I will never forget or take for granted.

Healing Waters

It's Just Hair

What is wrong with us?  By us I mean mostly mean African Americans.  Why are we so focused on hair?  In the grand scheme of things it holds no significance at all.  Why is it so important?

Gabby Douglas has accomplished something that has NEVER been done by an African American gymnast and all people can talk about is her Hair.  Were you so focused on her hair that you missed the part about her making HISTORY?!  Gabby Douglas is a GOLD MEDAL GYMNAST not a beauty pageant contestant.

What positive contribution have you so called journalists made to your nation?  My guess is NONE.   What kind of personal sacrifice has any of you made to represent your country.  Don't you have something more important to report about or is the extent of your capabilities? I'm guessing that it is.

To my African American "journalists" who participated in bashing Gabby's hair, SHAME ON YOU.  Did you ever stop to consider that your remarks would cause a controversy that would further divide us as a people?  When are WE going to stop focusing on HAIR?  I thought that the good vs bad hair debate was over.  IT'S HAIR!!!  IT'S NOT THAT IMPORTANT!!!  All you have you have managed is tarnishing a very proud moment in Gabby Douglas' life and a moment in OUR HISTORY.   Again, SHAME ON YOU!!!

Gabby Douglas is a beautiful African American young woman who won a a gold medal.  Her hair is not what defines her.  Who she is as person is what defines her.

Do You Know Who You Are?

A couple of years ago a potential mate asked me "Who are you?".  He told me to answer the question without using the words mother, sister, friend, daughter or saying what I did for a living.  I couldn't answer the question because I had wrapped my life around these roles.  I had forgotten who I was without all of that.  I had become who and what other people expected me to be at the expense of who I really am.  I didn't know how to think or feel about anything.

Since that time, I have been rediscovering who I am.  I have started doing thing I used to enjoy again and finding new things to enjoy as well.    I now express my opinions.  I no longer agree just to agree or just to get along.  I am no longer overly concerned with what people think of me.  I don't allow what people think of me to impact my thoughts, attitude or behavior.  I will ask for input from others, but ultimately the decision will be mine.

On this road to self discovery I'm sure there will be people will be unhappy with me, say that I've changed, will be judgmental or criticize.  That's their issue not mine.  The ultimate goal is for me to find out who I am, what I want and to embrace it.  To just be ME without fear, quilt, shame or regret.

^^^^^^^ This sums up my point.^^^^^^^

So, now I'm asking you, yes you, the person reading this blog at this very moment, "Who are you?".  If you know who you are that's great.  If you don't know or aren't sure, then It's time to find out.  Life is too short.
If you are looking for a place where you fully express yourself and just be you check out Cullen's Corner Hot Topics at cullenscorner.com and join the site.  Membership is free.  Joining this site has helped me tremendously with my journey to self discovery.  On cullenscorner.com you can write your own blog and be part of the discussions posted there among other things.  For example you could participate in upcoming webinars happening September through January covering the topics of self discovery, financial planning, gratitude, and personal spirit.

I hope to see you there.

Fifty Shades of Its Been Done Before

When I first heard about Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy I didn't understand what the big deal was about.  After all, erotic literature has been around for centuries.  It dates back to ancient Greece and Rome. There is even erotica in the Bible in the book Song of Songs. It's nothing new. So why all the fuss now?

 

 

Being that erotic literature is one of my favorite genres, I had to read the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy.  I had heard all the buzz about the bondage, domination, sadism, masochism (BDSM) theme in the books.  Again this is nothing new. For example The Story of O (1975) has a very strong BDSM story line.

 
I am a very open minded person, but the BDSM story line made me nervous.  Being that I am a psychotherapist, the psychology of BDSM was also intriguing to me. BDSM is a subject that I didn't understand and had a lot of preconceived notions about.  In order to read the books I had to do some research and educate myself on BDSM.  Any time I don't understand something I research it instead of judging it.  I learned a lot about the BDSM and have a better understanding of  that world.    I will leave you to do your own research on the subject. Wikipedia is a good place to start.

These two really need to get to know each other and learn how to get along.

In reading the trilogy I particularly enjoyed the Anastasia Steel character in the books because of  the way her subconscious and inner goddess played a part in the story line.  Reading the books helped me get in touch with my own subconscious and inner goddess and how these two sides of my personality impact my behavior. It was a different take on the devil and the angel on the shoulder theme. 





In the second book I liked how the story gave some information about his biological mother and how it ties into his involvement with BDSM.  It made me wonder if people who engage in BDSM have also had abuse histories as children that caused them to gravitate toward this lifestyle.



I particularly enjoyed the the third book in the trilogy because it had a happy ending that I didn't think it would have.  It was a testimony of how a person can have terrible past and can still have happiness in their future.

In reading the books I realized that the story was not about BDSM at all.  It was a story about love, acceptance and compromise within a relationship and how these elements are key to the success of any relationship. If readers focus on the the BSDM elements then they have in my opinion missed the whole point of the story.

He's a Boy!!!

When I gave birth to my son everyone told be to be prepared because boys are a handful and that they are hardheaded.  They said to be prepared to spend a lot of time in the emergency room because boys are adventurous daredevils.  They said that I'll find him hanging out of windows and jumping off garages.  They also said that I should be prepared for him to be destructive because that's how boys are.  I didn't pay any of that any attention.

I was going to have a good boy and not have any of those problems.  It didn't exactly turn out the way I thought it would.  Turns out, everything I was told about raising a boy was true. My son is 11 now and over the years there has been a lot of destruction (some accidental some on purpose), a few trips to the ER (one this week in fact) and he is VERY hardheaded.  I thought the hardheadedness was him be disrespectful toward me but it's not.  Boys learn by trial and error.  I can tell my son not to do something and he will do it anyway because he wants to see what will happen for himself even if that means he gets hurt or something gets broken.  The consequences never fit into the equation so he seldom thinks before he acts.  This has been more true over the last  two weeks than it ever has. The following is a list of what has gone wrong simply because he didn't listen to me.

1. His TV fell off the dresser because he kept jumping around in his room after I told him repeatedly to stop.  The TV didn't work the rest on the day. My son's response "you can just buy me another one".
2. A broken window in his room because he insisted on having the rocking chair in front of the window after I told him to to put it back in the corner.  He was actually shocked that the window broke. All I could say was "I told you so".
3. A broken dresser drawer because he put ALL of the rocks he collected from the beach in the drawer after I specifically told him not to.  His response was "I didn't think the rocks were that heavy".  
4. A broken bed because he decided to move his bed.  Now all the bolts that hold the bed frame together are loose and pulled out a little. Mind you it's a sleigh bed and it's not on wheels.
5. Small slits in the couch because he wasn't paying attention when his pet rabbit jumped up on the couch and clawed the couch. I have repeatedly told him to watch the rabbit and not to let him get on the furniture.
6. Stitches in his thumb and finger because he accidentally cut himself with a flat head screwdriver trying to take apart a toy.  I didn't find out that he hurt himself until 3 hours later.  His response "it didn't hurt that bad".  He knows that he is not allowed to use my tools without permission.  

When I told people about all the mishaps I've had with my son recently the only response I got was "well he's a boy". If someone tells me that one more time, I'M GOING TO SCREAM.!!!   So I'm just supposed to sit back and expect things like this to happen????  I think if he just listened to me we could avoid a lot of this mess.  I guess he will continue to learn the hard way and will continue to fix the things he breaks and drive him to the emergency room when he hurts himself because I am a mother.

Life With Daddy

When I was a little girl my Daddy did my hair in the morning because my Mom worked third shift and wasn't home in the morning.  Truth be told, he did a better job than mother.  My Dad cooked me breakfast every morning to make sure my day started out right.  He would be up before the sun making eggs, sausage, bacon, grits, cream of wheat, or oatmeal with raisins.  There was no such thing as eating cold cereal for breakfast except on Saturdays.

When I got a little older my Dad taught me how to use tools and fix things because he didn't want me to always depend on man when things got broken.  His daughter was never going to be a damsel in distress. Because of Daddy I know the difference between a flat head and Phillips head screwdriver.  I know how to use a socket wrench and a hand saw.  Daddy showed me how to use a stud finder and level is so I could hang pictures on the wall and they won't be crooked.   Because of my Dad I knew how to change the belts and spark plugs, check all the fluids in the car and how to change a flat tire long before I knew how to drive.  Daddy even taught me how fish. I could always cast a line better than Daddy and I always caught more fish than he did.

When I was a teenager I thought Daddy was crazy because he would never let me go anywhere by myself except school.  If a boy even looked in my direction, Daddy would give him the "I'll kill you and go have coffee" look.  It used to make me so angry.  I remember when Daddy jumped out of the car with a bat when he picked me up from school because he saw a boy  was hugging me.  That let every other boy know that I was off limits.  In that moment I knew Daddy wasn't wrapped tight.  When I was a freshman in high school, a senior asked me to go to homecoming with him.  I respectfully declined because I knew Daddy would say no and possibly kill me for even talking to a boy that much older than me. I envisioned Daddy getting his shotgun when he saw this boy pull up in front the house to pick up his 13 year old daughter.  I also knew that my mother would cosign on that no and would be handing Daddy the shotgun shells.  I later understood that all crazy behavior was his way of protecting me.

The most important lesson my father taught me was what a gentleman is.  He taught me what a gentleman is by treating my mother like a lady.  He he told me "how I treat your mother is how I should expect a man to treat me".  Daddy had to remind of this lesson when I started dating.  I thought my boyfriend at the time was treating like I was helpless.  Daddy told me that my boyfriend was being chivalrous and treating me like a lady when he opened doors for me, pulled out my chair when I sat down, insisted on paying for everything when we went out, and came to the door instead of blowing the horn for me to come out.  Daddy taught me that when a man gives me a single red rose it means that he loves me and has chosen me to be his.  He told me that a single red rose means so much more than getting a whole dozen.  I strayed from that lesson and got hurt a lot in relationships.  I'm getting back to what he taught me about men and I'm making better choices when it comes to being in relationships.  

When my father was teaching me all of these things I didn't appreciate it at the time.  I do now though.  I know that I would be lost in this world if I didn't have my Daddy.  If you are a father of a daughter your relationship with her is so important and should never be taken for granted.  Daughters need their father as much as their sons do. 

A Return to the Fun Me

Last night, Friday, I was home and in the bed by 10:30.  My son had gone to bed already and was sound asleep.  The house oddly quiet.  I was bored and restless.  Nothing was holding my attention except writing this blog and Antiques Roadshow.

It wasn't that long ago that at this time of night I would I would be putting on my jet black stockings, my little black dress and my favorite black high heels for a night out with friends and sometimes by myself.  What happened to all that?  When did I become a fuddy duddy?  When did going to bed become the highlight of my day?  Did I get get old, boring or both?  That's a horrifying thought considering I'm only 41.

I'm remembering a time when my favorite person to hang out with was me.  I really used to enjoy my own company.  Not that I don't enjoy the company of others.  If my friends were busy or just didn't want to go out, I wasn't about to sit at home and twiddle my thumbs.  So, I would take myself to the movies, dinner, concerts and go on day trips. I even bought myself flowers every week.  When did I stop enjoying spending time with me?  When did I start neglecting me and why didn't I notice?

It's time to show me a some attention.  So, I will start taking myself out on a regular basis and start doing the things I enjoy again.  I will take the time to get reacquainted with myself and have some new experiences.  Along the way I may meet some new people and build new friendships. I think I'll start next weekend. Maybe I'll see you where ever I end up going.

These are my new favorite high heeled shoes.

This will be my new little black dress