Up until 1996 my life was pretty normal with its usual ups and downs. Then, out of no where things started to just fall apart. I spent a lot of time at the doctor trying to figure out what was wrong. I had multiple tests done. The only things the doctors could come up with was that I had endometriosis, fibroid tumors, and acid reflux disease. None of those things explained the constant horrible pain throughout my body and still being extremely tired no matter how much sleep I got. The only explanation I got was that I was depressed and and needed to be medicated for it. I knew that wasn't the problem because I didn't have any symptoms of depression and refused to be treated for it.
Fast forward to about June1999. I still felt terrible with no explanation. I decided that maybe I would feel better if I started working out. I joined a gym and started working out. I was at the gym Monday through Friday before work. I did a two hour work out, took a shower at the gym and was at work by 8:00am. If I was restless of bored I worked out the weekends too. I felt better and worse all at the same time. The weight was coming off, but the pains in my body were worse. I pushed through it and still managed to workout 5 day a week.
In January 2000 I pulled a ligament in my knee during a work out. During the course of treatment I told the orthopedic surgeon about the pain I was having throughout my body. He said that the pain I was feeling was not normal at all and referred me to a rheumatologist.
I saw the rheumatologist in February. He did a physical exam in which he gently, with one finger, pressed lightly specific parts of my body. Everywhere he touched caused me significant pain. The strange thing was that he was barely touching me. I vividly remember him pressing his finger on my chest just below my collar bone and it felt like he put his whole fist through my chest. He also asked questions about other health problems and my sleeping patterns. Within 15 minutes he determined that I had fibromyalgia (I'll tell what is in a minute). Then he said the three words I fear the most "There's No Cure". He explained what is was, how it's treated and how to manage it. He went on to say that I should stop working and apply for disability ASAP. I looked at him like he had lost his mind. No way on God's green earth that was going to happen!!!!! He wrote me four prescriptions and said he wanted to see me in 2 months.
In a nut shell fibromyalgia is a disorder that causes muscle pain and fatigue (feeling tired). People with fibromyalgia have “tender points” on the body. Tender points are specific places on the neck, shoulders, back, hips, arms, and legs. These points hurt when pressure is put on them.
People with fibromyalgia may also have other symptoms, such as:
- Trouble sleeping
- Morning stiffness
- Headaches
- Painful menstrual periods
- Tingling or numbness in hands and feet
- Problems with thinking and memory (sometimes called “fibro fog”)
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| In order to be diagnosed with fibromyalgia you have to have at 11 tender points. I have all 18 |
I took the medication and really didn't feel any better. The pain was worse The medication just made the fibro fog worse and I couldn't concentrate. I began to have memory lapses as well. I went back to the rheumatologist and told him things were not any better with the medication. He asked me about how active I was and I told him that I worked out 5 days a week. The rheumatologist told me that my workouts were the cause of my increased pain. I didn't understand that at all. He told me that my workouts were triggering the pain center of my brain resulting in a trauma response in my body, causing the fybromyalgia symptoms to get worse. He told me to give up my gym membership and stop working out. Did I listen? Of course not. I was down 50 pounds and looking incredible. I was not about to to give that up.
A month later I'm back at the doctor feeling the worst I have ever felt. He asked if I stopped working out. I said no. He reminded me that I really needed to stop going to the gym and told me my body need to rest. Again, I didn't listen. About a week later I woke up and couldn't move at all. I was in excruciating pain. The only thing I could do was breathe, blink and cry. It took two hours for me to roll over and sit up. I couldn't stand. I literally had to crawl on my hands and knees. I called in sick that day. The next day I cancelled my gym membership.
In 2005 I decided that I was done taking medications for fibromyalgia. They weren't working and the only thing the doctor could do was increase the dosage or give me stronger medication. To me that was a fast track to being a drug addict. I wanted no parts of that. Only Tylenol and Ibuprofen for this chick!!!!
The most frustrating thing about having fibromyalgia is that no one really understands what I go through. Best way I can explain fibromyalgia is that it's like having the body aches of the flu times 10. Imagine having the flu and the body aches NEVER EVER go away. That's fibromyalgia minus all the other stuff that comes with it. the most common reaction I get is "well, you don't look sick to me" and "you cant possibly be that tired. It's beyond frustrating.
The following are images related to fibromyalgia with my commentary. I hope they help you understand what having this illness is like.
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| Did you read the fine print? |
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| This symbol might be my next tattoo. I love the way it incorporates my favorite color and some of my favorite images. |
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| Vicious Cycle |
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| All of the above |
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| An excellent depiction of how I feel every day. |
I miss the person I used to be and the life I had before fibromyalgia. I miss me. Twelve years after being diagnosed I am finally learning how to accept the me I am now and the life I have today. If keep looking backwards I'll never move forward and will miss my future in the process.
